When he’s not patting himself on the back for Obama’s accomplishments, Donald Trump is a very busy dude. So busy, in fact, that when Tucker Carlson asked in a March 15th interview what he does to relax, he said he doesn’t even have time to read more than half a page of the book about Andrew Jackson he’s been “looking at.”
We here at Left Wing Nation would love to see President Trump read more. Reading prodigiously is a sign of higher intelligence, intellectual curiosity, and a good imagination.
In an effort to trim Trump’s relaxation budget so he can fit in more reading, we tried and failed to come up with 62 “unnecessary” things he could eliminate completely, to match the 62 things Trump’s actual budget would cut out of our lives. Even we aren’t as vicious as the President is to Meals on Wheels and Big Bird, though.
We did come up with a list of things he could at least cut down on, so he can get back to “Lessons in Historical Racism: The Unauthorized Andrew Jackson Story.”
Here’s our list of 5 unnecessary things Trump should eliminate
Golf: The Six Million Ruble Manbaby loves the links. He can’t get enough. Although Trump heavily criticized Obama for how much golf he played in office, Obama’s first round after his 2009 inauguration didn’t come until April of that year. Dainty Digits Donnie couldn’t wait quite that long, and was back on the greens more than a month ago:
Suggested Reading Replacement: Leslie Nielsen’s Stupid Little Golf Book, by Leslie Nielsen. Perhaps some humility can be had in laughing at Frank Drebin’s ineptitude, and by extension, his own.
Tweeting: This seems to be his all-time favorite thing to do. Even now, in the middle of the budget debate, in the mayhem of Trumpcare, our illustrious Tweeter-in-Chief seemed to be squeezing in a minute or two to beef with Snoop Dogg over a music video of the notorious gangsta rapper’s latest single:
Can you imagine what the outcry would be if @SnoopDogg, failing career and all, had aimed and fired the gun at President Obama? Jail time!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 15, 2017
Suggested Reading Replacement: The Hip-Hop Years: A History of Rap, by Alex Ogg. Instead of constantly feuding over social media, Trump could be spending that time discovering his joint, and perhaps Tha D-Oh-Double-Gee could point him toward some early works by, say, Kool Moe Dee.
Watching Fox News: I mean, what can he say? Fox News gives great “coverage.” Honestly, I’m amazed he recognizes any of the Fox reporters with their clothes on. Just look at this photo of Presidential Trump barely containing his Trail of Crocodile Tears at the memorial for his idol:
Hanging out at Mar-a-Lago: According to MSNBC, Trump has now spent more than 30% of his presidency on vacation. If he kept up that pace, he would make Dubya’s brush clearing seem as frequent as oil changes. It’s just not good for your focus to be away and distracted for that kind of time.
President Trump will return to Mar-a-Lago this weekend, the White House confirmed on Monday, making it the fifth weekend he has spent in Florida as president. Press secretary Sean Spicer announced the Palm Beach trip to reporters during the White House press briefing, offering no other details regarding the purpose of the trip. Trump has reportedly spent almost a quarter of his time as president at his resort in the Sunshine State. His visits to “the Winter White House,” as the president once referred to it, regularly involve official business as well as golf outings. During his last trip, Trump met with Cabinet secretaries, including Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, as well as Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R) and Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.). Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and his wife also traveled with the Trumps to Mar-a-Lago in February after first meeting at the White House. Spicer's announcement came hours after reports emerged that Trump would also host the Chinese president at the exclusive resort during his visit next month. #trump #donaldtrump #gop #republicans #evangelicals #republican #conservative #conservatives #maralago #florida #melaniatrump #politics #whitesupremacy
Suggested Reading Replacement: The Sun Also Rises. Hemingway’s tale of the search for meaning on an extended vacation may just capture Trump’s mind, or at least he can identify with the impotent narrator.
Eating Well-Done Steaks With Ketchup: There have been quite a few reports of the Failed QVC Steak Salesman digging into expensive cuts of meat, and like everything he does, he’s doing it wrong. We’re amazed he can even wrap his baby hands around a steak knife, so it must be a lot of work for him to bang on that glass bottle of sticky red steak-ruiner just right before his ribeye gets cold, anyway.
Suggested Reading Replacement: On The Road, by Jack Kerouac. The author travels almost as much as the Flying Fig, and it could just be that Kerouac’s sumptuous descriptions of comfort foods the way they were meant to be devoured will inspire Trump to dig into a classic.
Well, that’s all we have time for today. We have to get back to reading the boring stuff and trying to keep up with the news. If you have reading suggestions for the 140-Character King, leave them in the comments!