New Bill Could Leave Millions Of Men Penniless If They Are Caught…Errrrr…Pleasuring Themselves

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Texas State Representative Jessica Farrar (D), introduced legislation that would fine men for masturbating. House Bill 4260 will require all men to participate in counseling before obtaining a prescription for Viagra. There will also be $100 fines for “masturbatory emissions” that take place outside of a woman’s vagina or hospital. Each case of successful masturbation would be considered an act against an unborn child.

This bill would also permit doctors to refuse to perform vasectomies and colonoscopies, or write prescriptions for Viagra if those actions are against the doctors’ beliefs. Men would also be subject to required, but unnecessary tests such as digital rectal exams before any vasectomy. They will be required to wait 24 hours before a vasectomy and their doctors would have to read to them a state-printed pamphlet called A Man’s Right to Know.

Such strict legislation has men up in arms. Some took to Twitter to express their outrage (Representative Farrar does not have a Twitter account):

RELATED: Hungry Texas Rep Bribes His Committee With Pork — Sausage, That Is

While all the manly snowflakes are planning for the inevitable Men’s March on Washington, Ferrar is sitting back, sipping her cup of tea and planning the next piece of legislation to limit men’s rights. She is quickly taking on the title of Queen Ball-Breaker.

She has also announced that this is a satirical bill meant to highlight unfair laws other Texas lawmakers have imposed upon women when trying to get an abortion. She issued a statement on the bill.

Although HB 4260 is satirical, there is nothing funny about current health care restrictions for women and the very real legislation that is proposed every legislative session. Women are not laughing at state-imposed regulations and obstacles that interfere with their ability to legally access safe healthcare, and subject them to fake science and medically unnecessary procedures.

Recently, Texas’s legislature has passed several measures meant to reduce the number of abortions in the state. In 2011, a law was passed that requires women seeking an abortion to have a sonogram, listen to a description of the fetus and receive a pamphlet entitled A Woman’s Right To Know which lists all the rules.

So, calm down, guys. You are SAFE – for now. It doesn’t feel so good when the shoe is on the other foot, does it?

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