Oppressed Snowflakes Are Still Whining About ‘Press 1 For English’

in Immigration/Racism/Republican Stupidity by

Let’s be honest, the right wing of America is petty. Not just regular petty but super petty. Olympic level petty. They’re so unbelievably petty that years after companies dropped “Press one for English” on their automated menus, the right is still whining about it.

This is like bitching about rotary phones. What’s a rotary phone, you ask? Exactly.

RELATED: Joe Scarborough Demands Campus Safe Spaces For Snowflake Conservatives

Slate writer Henry Grabar notes out that this pointless outrage was still quite prevalent during the 2016 election:

Conservative columnists have picked up the refrain. In a widely shared column that ran during the presidential campaign, talk radio host Howie Carr wrote, “You may be a deplorable if you don’t think you should have to press one for English.” The whole anecdote has become a sympathetic symbol of white resentment projected as a kind of staple experience of alienation in the new multicultural America. “Plenty of Americans do see the increasing prevalence of foreign cultures in the U.S., including Hispanic culture, as an unwelcome invasion,” wrote the Atlantic’s Molly Ball. “They resent having to press 1 for English when they call customer service.”

The struggle is real, people. Pressing “one” for English signals the end of America as we know it! Next thing you know, they’ll be taco trucks on every corner. Delicious yummy taco trucks. Mmmmmmm…

But seriously, if it wasn’t for petty grievances the right wouldn’t know what to do with itself. The Founding Fathers that they claim to worship did not make English the official language for a reason. They envisioned a country of immigrants where anyone from anywhere could come here and make whatever life they chose.

RELATED: Moving Company Offers To Move Conservative Snowflakes To Texas

That’s not to say people shouldn’t eventually learn English for the sake of assimilating into the broader culture, but throwing a temper tantrum over the crutches necessary to integrate them is pathetic.

I get that the right wing lives in perpetual made up victimhood, under imaginary assault from all sides by Those People, but boo freaking hoo, they used to have to press an extra button. However will they survive the burden? A Burden that, again, no longer actually exists.

Then again, these are the same losers that still haven’t gotten over the South getting their asses kicked in the Civil War. I guess they’re a bit slow. They’ll probably still be bitching about pressing “one” long after voice commands completely replace keypads.

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I'm a stay at home dad, father to a special needs son and a special daughter, a donor baby daddy, a militantly pragmatic liberal, the president of the PTA, a hardcore geek and nerd and I'm going to change the world. Or at least my corner of it.

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