Oh, How Nice! Mitchy Says Women Are Allowed To Speak To Him About Their Ideas

in Daily New Bite/Humor/Politics/Satire by

After fellow Republicans expressed concern that the noticeable lack of women involved in a GOP working group tasked with negotiating healthcare reform may become a rallying cry for the left, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell begrudgingly agreed to let *gasp* THREE women participate. In fact, according to one GOP lawmaker:

The leader has assured us that at least one of the women will attend all of the meetings going forward.

Although Senator McConnell has now assured us that “Nobody’s being excluded based upon gender,” women who attend the meetings will need to fit certain criteria. For instance, lady Democrats are strictly prohibited due to the general fear that they might wear something other than the required knee-length skirt suit and thereby distract all the men in the group. Also, they talk too much, mainly about things that make the men uncomfortable. It is rumored that one of them even went so far as to utter the word “uterus” on the Senate floor! Furthermore, Lady Dems are all critical, shrill, and are seemingly not afraid to call men out when they do stupid things like forgetting to involve women in healthcare decisions that affect mainly women. Senator Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) said:

One of the biggest targets for Republicans has been eliminating preventative care for women and maternity care and so having no woman there is stunning.

Good Republican women who are accepted to the group will be allowed to present one pre-scripted idea at each meeting, with the ideas to be provided by a qualified man prior to said meeting. Further talking by the women throughout the duration of the meetings will only be allowed if McConnell winks and nods at them, at which point they should agree with something that was brought up by a man earlier in the meeting.

Sounds super fair!

RELATED: Young Women Voice Anger Over The GOP’s Attacks On Their Healthcare

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