How Donald Trump Took Control Of The Republican Party Explained In One Completely Insane Email

in Daily New Bite by

Liberals, Independents, sane conservatives (they still exist) and especially the “liberal” media have been deeply confused by how Donald Trump utterly crushed the entire Republican field and took control of the party. But for anyone who’s been paying attention to how completely insane America’s right wing has become, it’s not even slightly surprising. Of COURSE they were going to vote for Trump, he’s been telling them all of their worst fears are true and that only he can save them from Those People. The fact that everything he says is 100% bullshit works in his favor because everything the GOP’s base believes is also 100% bullshit.

Don’t believe me? Here’s one of those emails your right wing uncle likes to send around to “warn” America about its impending doom (with a few comment from me in bold):

Sent: Sunday, June 26, 2016 7:33 PM Subject: From a friend- unbelievable & scary

Trump is starting to look better all the time. This information has all been checked, then double checked… it is 100% Correct. (In fact, it’s been double secret triple checked! Strangely, the writer couldn’t be bothered presenting the proof so you’ll just have to take his word as a fellow ‘Murika-lovin’, Mooslim-hatin’ patriot.)

That’s why there is such an alarm within US government, since Trump’s statement about temporary suspension of migration of Muslims to US till US
authorities make sure there is a proper concept of safe penetration of US territory. (“Proper concept of safe penetration?” Is this a made up conspiracy theory email or the beginning of a “Dear Penthouse Forum” letter?)

People are stunned to learn that the head of the U.S. CIA is a Muslim! Do hope this wakes up some! (You know who was the most stunned to find out John Brennan is a secret Muslim? John Brennan, because it’s not fucking true)

Until it hits you like a ton of bricks read it again, until you understand!

We now have a Muslim government! (The following is a list of “Muslims” in the government that PROVE we have been “taken over” by Islam. Buckle your brain in, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride…)

John Brennan, current head of the CIA converted to Islam while stationed in Saudi Arabia . (Still not a Muslim)

Obama’s top adviser, Valerie Jarrett, is a Muslim who was born in Iran where her parents still live. (Her American parents lived there for several years as part of a program to send doctors to “developing nations” but moved back to the US when she was about 5. Not a Muslim

Hillary Clinton’s top adviser, Huma Abedin is a Muslim, whose mother and brother are still involved in the now outlawed Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt ! (Actually a Muslim! Not involved in the Muslim Brotherhood. Just ask John McCain, the notorious Muslim sympathizer)

Assistant Secretary for Policy Development for Homeland Security, Arif Aikhan, is a Muslim . (Probably? But he was recruited to Homeland Security in 2006. For those of you bad at math, that would be during the Bush administration. Does that mean that Bush was a secret Muslim, too?!)

Homeland Security Adviser, Mohammed Elibiary, is a Muslim . (Also a Muslim. Fired in 2014. Whoops)

Obama adviser and founder of the Muslim Public Affairs Council, Salam al-Marayati, is a Muslim. (One would hope that the founder of the Muslim Public Affairs Council would, in fact, be a Muslim. Also, the Council has pushed for American mosques to inform Homeland Security about anyone they think is radicalized. Even the Wall Street Journal has applauded their efforts to prevent terrorism on American soil. Isn’t that what the right is constantly demanding of Muslims?)

Obama’s Sharia Czar, Imam Mohamed Magid, of the Islamic Society of North America is a Muslim . (An Imam is a Muslim?! That’s outrageous! Also, there’s no such thing as a Sharia Czar. He’s an adviser to Homeland Security and, oh, he’s been stopping ISIS from recruiting Muslim teens. What an America-hating bastard)

Advisory Council on Faith-Based Neighborhood Partnerships, Eboo Patel, is a Muslim . (Oh no! Another Muslim! And this one spends of all his time promoting cooperation and understanding between different religions! Wait, isn’t that the exact opposite of what evil radical Muslims want?)

Nancy Pelosi announced she will appoint Rep Andre Carson, D-Ind, a Muslim , as the first Muslim lawmaker on the House of Representatives Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, of all things! It would make Carson the first Muslim to serve on the committee that receives intelligence on the threat of Islamic militants in the Middle East ! He has he suggested that U.S. schools should be modeled after Islamic madrasas, where education is based on the Quran!!! (He did actually say that. Hilariously, what he meant was that America’s “one size fits all” public education is insufficient and that our schools should adopt the model that religious schools use of innovation and adaptability minus the religion. In other words, he’s saying exactly what the conservative opponents of Common Core are saying)

Last but not least, our closet Muslim himself, Barack Hussein Obama. (You KNEW that was coming, right?)

It’s questionable if Obama ever officially took the oath of office when he was sworn in. He did not repeat the oath properly to defend our nation and
our Constitution. Later the Democrats claimed he was given the oath again, in private. Yeah, right. (Yeah, because Chief Justice John Roberts flubbed the oath and then they did it again the next day. Is John Roberts, the uber-conservative appointed by George W. Bush, part of the Muslim conspiracy, too?)

CIA director John Brennan took his oath on a copy of the Constitution, not a Bible?? (Considering the Constitution is the foundation of our nation, I don’t see the problem with this. Why do conservatives seem to think the Bible trumps the Constitution?)

Valarie Jarret wrote her college thesis on how she wanted to change America into a Muslim friendly nation and she is a Obama top advisor! (OMG! That would be awful if America treated Muslims like people! Also, that’s not even the right conspiracy theory. She SAID she was going to make America more Islamic. But she didn’t actually say that. And the person who wrote this is a moron)

Congressman, Keith Ellison took his oath on a copy of the Qur’an, NOT the Bible! (He’s a Muslim, why would he take an oath on the Bible? Did the writer have a stroke while typing?)

Conservative Congresswoman Michele Bachman, R-MN, was vilified and verbally tarred and feathered by Democrats when she voiced her concern about Muslims taking over our government! (That tends to happen when you’re insane)

Considering all these appointments, it would explain why Obama and his minions are systematically destroying our nation, supporting radical Muslim
groups worldwide, opening our southern border, and turning a blind eye to the genocide being perpetrated on Christians all over Africa and the Middle East ! (All NINE appointments? Out of the tens of thousands of people that make up the Executive Branch and the millions more than compose the rest of the federal government? And three of which aren’t even actually Muslims? Yes, it’s very clear that the government is simply overrun with followers of Islam….)

The more damage Obama does, the more arrogant he’s become! (Well, he DID just spend 8 years humiliating Republicans and undoing decades of Reganomics. I’d be pretty smug about the whole thing, too)

Our nation and our government has been infiltrated by people who want to destroy us! It can only get worse! (Yes, they’re called “Republicans” and have been doing their level best to break the government since January, 2009)

In his book Obama said, “if it comes down to it, I will side with the Muslims”. (Yes, Obama said he would side with Muslims against stripping them of their civil rights and throwing them into concentration camps. What a filthy traitor to the American ideal. It’s not like we did that to any other group like, say, Japanese-Americans, and feel a deep national shame over it or anything)

If you fail to pass this one on, there’s something wrong……somewhere! (Yesssss….be afraid…be very very afraid of….something)


If you’re still reading this and haven’t suffered permanent brain damage, you should understand that there are millions of people who believe every single word of this “100% Correct) email. Every. Single. Word.

Republicans and right wing media created this alternate reality for their followers, pulled them in and sealed off the real world behind them. These people live in a complete fantasy and the only way to reach them is to tell them the lies they desperately need to hear: Obama is a Muslim. Islam is just months away from taking over America. And Donald Trump is the only person that can save us from the radical jihadists that are lurking in every shadow.

The problem was that while the people in the bubble absolutely believed every word, Republicans and the right wing media knew it was all bullshit and couldn’t control the runaway fear and paranoia they had created. They literally couldn’t keep up with the insanity. But Trump can because he lies like you or I breathe. For a group that exists in a world of falsehoods, the person who can lie the best is king. He reads his audience and tells them exactly what they want to hear and they love him for it.

Republicans committed suicide by lie. Now we have to fight to keep them from dragging the entire country into oblivion with them.


Featured image via screencap.


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I’m a stay at home dad, father to a special needs son and a special daughter, a donor baby daddy, a militantly pragmatic liberal, the president of the PTA, a hardcore geek and nerd and I’m going to change the world. Or at least my corner of it.

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