WATCH: GOP Lawmaker Tearfully Asks God To Forgive America For Abortion And The Gays™

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Texas’ 14th Congressional District, like most of the state, is reliably Republican. When President Obama talked about voters clinging “to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them,” he may as well have been describing the Houston suburbs represented in Congress by Rep. Randy Weber. Although his predecessor in the 14th CD, Ron Paul, was better at hiding his religious bigotry (so he could appeal to libertarians), there’s something Weber is even better at than that: Praying. Well, praying and crying. Craying?

RELATED: Hungry Texas Rep Bribes His Committee With Pork — Sausage, That Is

Wednesday night marked the annual “Washington — A Man Of Prayer” gathering at the U.S. Capitol:

Broadcast on an evangelical TV network and a right-wing website?!? Not to be missed!

In their ongoing effort to brand the founding fathers with the kind of religious fervor you might find in Texas, Republicans created the prayer gathering four years ago with the help of Rep. Louie Gohmert and the approval of Paul Ryan. Each year, the MOST pious of God’s Own Party get together for an old-timey revival, celebrating the fact that they can, um, pray in public, I guess. This year, after the really big stars you’ve never heard of finished genuflecting in front of the crowd, Rep. Randy Weber took the stage and started with a twist on an old classic:

[Thy] kingdom come, thy will be done on earth here in the halls of Congress.

Well, THAT’s not crazy or anything. Calling upon The Lord™ to forgive America for not being churchy enough, Weber continued:

We have endeavored to try and kick your word out of public schools. Father, we have endeavored to take the Bible out of classrooms, the Ten Commandments off the walls. Oh, Lord, forgive us. Father, we think we’re so smart, we have replaced your word and your precepts with drug-sniffing dogs, with metal detectors, with uniformed police officers in our schools. Oh, Lord, forgive us.

“We think we’re so smart” is maybe the best insight into the mind of Randy Weber, and indeed all Republican hypocrites who want the government out of their lives when it comes to the boardroom, but welcome Big Guv with open arms when it comes to the bedroom. They honestly believe Americans are incapable of morality without their brand of God.

Father, we have trampled on your holy institution of holy matrimony and tried to rewrite what it is and we’ve called it an alternate lifestyle. Father, oh Father, please forgive us.

With The Ho-Mo-Sexshals dutifully mentioned, Weber turned on the waterworks:

Lord, we have gone to killing the most innocent amongst us.Your servant Moses warned in Deuteronomy 19 for us to choose life so that we and all our descendants might live. Father, we’re killing our descendants and we’re calling it a choice. Oh, God in heaven, forgive us, please.

Ironically, the Bible passage that Weber mentions is the chapter that calls for “an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.” Not really choosing life, but whatever.

RELATED: SCOTUS Tells Texas To Stop F*cking Killing Everyone

Watch the whimpering wingnut here (and try not to laugh, I dare you):

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