Recently, I was reading a handful of articles from The Federalist, just to see what kind of nonsense they were pushing on their sheep, when I came across an interesting one: How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage.
My immediate reaction was, “Oh, fuck you.” However, I’m an adult and I decided to read it just in case the author pointed out something interesting. I mean, I’m happily married and I consider myself a feminist – I wanted to see what I am doing correctly. I must point out that the article was written by a woman, Carrie Gress. She must know how women think, right?
Oh, how wrong I was. Terribly, terribly wrong. Apparently, Mrs. Gress is a conservative’s dream. She homeschools her four children – there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but some women NEED to have a career. Some are career-driven, that’s how they’re hardwired – it’s not just men, Carrie. Also? Not every household can survive on one income. I should have known when I read the blurb about the author that she and I would have very little in common.
A section in the article called “What Men Find Attractive About Women” made me shudder. Really? This is what the author wants to discuss? What about women who aren’t really into men? Those do exist and they are called lesbians. They don’t give two fucks about what men find attractive in women – and neither should you. Your ideal partner will find you attractive with your flaws. However, this seemed important to the author, so I read it anyway. Oh. My. God. It is beyond drivel in a time that is abundant with drivel every day all day.
From the dawn of time, men croon about particular attributes especially found in women: loyalty, sweetness, a calming presence, kindness, thoughtfulness. Looking past lyrics dripping with lust, a pattern emerges…There has been no love song dedicated to a nagging, angry, self-absorbed woman.
I can’t think of any love songs about angry women, either. Is that necessarily a bad thing? There are plenty of great songs penned by angry women. That is fact. A few examples are “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrisette, “You Don’t Own Me” by Dusty Springfield and “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon.
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The author then transitions to tell women that their role should include making her husband happy. Sigh. She quotes a self-proclaimed “love expert,” Andrea Miller from Your Tango,
Too often these women — even the strongest, smartest, most independent of them — weirdly believe that if they inflict enough pain back onto their partners or exact enough control of them, they’ll suddenly get with the program. Instead, the opposite usually happens. Their partners — not feeling loved enough and tired of feeling nagged, controlled, and criticized — do the opposite. They withdraw and tune out.
Uhhhh…. what? Is she suggesting that only liberal women get divorced? Because, you know, all the dirty liberals are men-hating feminists, right? <Insert eye roll here> Information found during my research showed that between 40-50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Want to read something interesting, Carrie? The divorce rates among conservative Christians are significantly higher than those of other faiths. And yes, that includes marriages among the atheists and agnostics.
None of the strong, smart, feminist women I know want to inflict pain upon their partner (unless the partner is into that sort of thing). The happiest couples I know, straight or otherwise, are couples who communicate, trust each other and accept each other for how they are. They don’t try to change the other person to fit a preconceived idea. And we shouldn’t conform to ideals set by men and women who
have only ever had sex in the bed, under the covers, with the lights out would be perfectly happy in setting women back about 70 years. Fuck that.